Jingle Bells and New Years Resolutions | Life Coach | Career Coach Calgary

As we get ready to welcome in 2016, with all of the hope and excitement that a New Year brings, I encourage you to take a few minutes to pause and reflect over the events of the past 12 months and to look back at 2015 with love and with gratitude before you send it on it’s way. Take some time to recognize all of the ways that 2015 has helped you grow and all of the opportunities that were presented to you. Maybe you are left with some amazing memories, and perhaps some that you would really prefer to leave behind, but thank them all for the lessons learned, before you package them up in the little box called 2015, and put them away in the attic.

The New Year is so exciting because it’s full of potential and opportunity and a great reminder of what a fresh start can bring. However as most of us will probably agree, in order to fully move on with anything in life, we need to get complete with the stuff that has already happened first. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly.

One way to do this is to recognize and celebrate all that you have done and accomplished. Acknowledge some of the not so great things and take note of what you learned along the way. You won’t be able to fully move forward if there are any unresolved emotions in the way, so take some time over the next couple of weeks to do a post-mortem of the year. Write down the highlights or the things that stand out for you. And as you do, be aware of the feelings and emotions that come up with each one, and just allow yourself a minute or two to feel those emotions, before thanking them and releasing them.

After closing up 2015 in a positive light, then you can really start to explore what 2016 will look like for you and set a clear intention.

Take a moment to grab a pen and paper, and jot down your answers to the following questions;

• What do you want the theme to be for 2016? Is there a word or phrase that stands out?
• What are your top 3 goals for yourself for the year ahead?
• How do you want 2016 to be better then 2015 and what do you plan to do to make it so?

New Years Resolutions in particular are a huge part of rolling in with the new and it can be such an exciting and inspiring activity. For some people, it’s the only time of year that they really take count of the ways in which they want to expand themselves and grow.

I have been invited to a local morning show to talk about this subject in January, and as I was preparing my notes, I decided to give you a sneak peak on my ideas for 5 simple keys to help make your New Years resolution really stick this year.

• FIND YOUR WHY Focus your energy more on what your life looks like with the change than without. Remember why you want to make this change and what your life will be like once you have fulfilled it. When you are feeling less motivated, remind yourself why you want this and what it means to you. Look at the big picture that you want to create and imagine what that looks like to you in five or even ten years from now.
• HABITS Create new habits that are in line with your new choice and change old habits that aren’t. It can be hard to make or break one habit when everything else stays the same. If you are trying to give something up, take note of and make changes to, the triggers. If you are trying to pick up a new habit, look around at other habits you could make that could help support you with the bigger goal.
• SMALL STEPS Set yourself up for success by making smaller more attainable changes at first, that will help you work towards your ultimate goal. Lead yourself up to what you ultimately want to accomplish.
• CELEBRATE Celebrate your successes. What makes you happy and how can you reward yourself? Perhaps you can reward yourself with a jar that you put money into every day that you are successful to save towards that trip you’ve always wanted to go on. Or a small reward for yourself after accomplishing a week of good habits. The key is to acknowledge your accomplishments at regular intervals along the way.
• POSITIVE Don’t get down on yourself if you slip. We are all human. Stay focused and use that slip to inform you of what happened and how you can move forward and prevent that from happening again. If you have slipped in 2015, look at what happened and why and take those as lessons to help you from slipping again.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and may you soar into the New Year filled with health, happiness, prosperity an clarity.

Wake Up! Why Your Close Call Could Be A GOOD Thing

A few months ago I had what I call a ‘snap me back’ moment. It’s that type of situation where suddenly you are awakened and snapped back to reality when you didn’t even know that you had left.

I’m sure we have all had similar situations at some point in our life, or maybe you have had one in the past 48 hours. It could be a near accident that caused you to open your eyes and pay attention to the road. Maybe there was a traumatic event that shook you to your core, or perhaps you lost your job or ended a relationship. These are the events that allow you to open your eyes and pay attention to what is really happening right here and right now.

We have a tendency to go through the motions of life without paying attention to how we feel, do we still want this, and if this situation is really working for us, until BOOM! One day we get hit in the face and the wind knocked out of us.

When my situation occurred, I was in a tail spin and spent the entire rest of the day wondering how this could happen and of course questioning the proverbial “why me?” and “why now?”

As it turns out, everything worked out just fine in my situation, and at the end of the day as I reflected on the events that occurred, I changed my focus from why is this happening to me, to instead ask why is this happening for me?

I am a strong believer in the Universe giving us the signs that we need and that we must pay attention regularly, because it’s when we don’t that we end up in these situations where the Universe is essentially yelling at us to get us to listen.

This event was a big wake up call and reminder to recognize that nothing and no one is working against me, and to instead look at the message that is being delivered.

What happened that day was my ‘snap me back’ moment. It’s when we are faced with a stressful situation. A close call. The kind where you say to yourself “Wow that could have been so much worse. Someone was definitely on my side.”

It’s then that I know to stop to recognize what the sign is that I was supposed to see. It’s a time to step up and wake up to what is really going on around me and to stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted.

 

Pay attention!

 

And that’s just what I did. I took notice of the importance of the valuable lesson that the Universe was giving me. It was like an elastic band just snapped me right back to reality. Right back to where I was supposed to be. I gave up the victim stance, and picked up the strength. After all, if I were meant to be the victim in this situation, it wouldn’t have been a close call.

So if you are going through one of these right now, and even if you’re not, I encourage you to step back and pay attention to this moment right here and right now and ask yourself:

• What is the message they are trying to give?
• What signs are you given that you aren’t paying attention to?
• How can you look at your close call or your stumbles as a wake-up call to pay attention to what is really happening or what you should really be paying attention to?
• What is it going to take for you to really wake up and pay attention? And at what cost?
• How can you take responsibility for your part in this?

Do You Know What Your Emotions Are Trying To Tell You?

As children, we were told to control ourselves and to keep our emotions in check. And as we grow both intellectually and spiritually, that narrative grows even stronger and it becomes less socially acceptable to show any sign of a negative emotion.

How many times have you been told that you’re overreacting, to calm down, relax, or to not be so upset?

Despite being a highly sensitive person, over the years, I’ve learned to train myself to keep my emotions fairly restrained.

It’s not ‘Zen’, I would tell myself.

I held onto the belief that spiritual people do not get angry, stressed or jealous.

So I contained it and held it in as hard as I could.

Throughout my career, I was praised for my ability to stay in control and it was always listed as a strength during performance reviews.

“Despite all of the pressure and stress, she always manages to stay controlled and calm.”

The truth is, it does show incredible discipline to be able to keep a tight grip on your emotions, but at what cost?

Eventually I realized that minimizing or ignoring my emotions did not make them go away. In fact, after extended periods of time, these emotions started to manifest themselves physically as well.

Recently I experienced a disappointing situation, and although the situation would be considered mildly upsetting for most, the emotions I felt towards it were blatant and much stronger than what I thought made sense given the circumstances.

But what we feel right now is not always entirely about the situation we are in. Sometimes the emotions we feel right now are resurfacing from a previous pain or trauma that we never dealt with properly in the first place. They just come back years later, calling your attention to take a look at this again.

Pushing them aside only buys you a little more time, but they will always return.

They are informing us and telling us what we need to know. They are here for a reason and our job is to pay attention and look at them from a state of inquiry and without judgment.

They are a signpost, here to tell you take action in some way.

When you are being faced with an overwhelming feeling or emotion, ask yourself a few clarifying questions;

• What does this tell me about how I feel about myself or the situation that I am in?
• Am I safe?
• How is this showing up for me physically?
• Am I on the right track?
• Should I make a change?
• Is the emotion that I am feeling in proportion to the situation I am currently in?
• Is there a past trauma or pain that needs to be addressed now?
• How do I want to respond to this feeling?

It’s important to validate and accept that what you are feeling is telling you something and it’s necessary to give it the time and attention that it deserves.

Once you are able to do that, then you can come at the feeling from a state of acceptance and understanding to be more mindful about what the next steps are to move forward.

Look at your options.

• Do you need to look at changing the situation you are in?
• Can you change your thoughts about the situation?
• Would talking to a friend or professional help in offering some perspective or clarity?

Take conscious action to respond to what your feelings are telling you and learn to appreciate and trust that they are truly here to help guide you through this life.

1. Recognize
2. Identify
3. Trust
4. Take action

There are some great tools out there to help you learn to tune into, recognize and identify your emotions. Check out Feeling Magnets for great resources and tools to help support you in your new journey to understanding your emotions.

The Most Important Key To Your Success

“Just shut up and do it already”

That’s the ‘aha moment’ that a client of mine had last week during one of our sessions. She had been struggling for weeks at completing a task and finally after talking about it again that week, she came to the realization that she finally needed to stop talking about it and she just needed to take the action to get it done.

Simple right?

But yet why is this something that we all seem to struggle with?

We get stuck in this place of wanting to get something done, but don’t put any action into doing it. We talk about it, read about it, study it, and plan it.

But yet we miss the biggest piece of the puzzle. Actually taking action and DOING it.

We can rationalize and map out all of the reasons we aren’t doing something. Is it fear? Is it lack of motivation? Or lack of knowledge or preparedness?

But then there comes a point when we need to make a choice. We can continue to delay things even more in trying to decipher the message, and even further halt our progress. Or we can “just shut up and do it already”.

Up until now, life has been a series of events where we chose to take action. Or not. That has led you to exactly where you are today.

One of the first and most explicit examples of this is when we learn how to walk.

We don’t learn to take our first steps by asking for other’s opinions if they think we are ready or waiting for our mother to explain it to us just one more time. One day, we just pull ourselves up, focus on our goal, and put one foot in front of the other.

Do you remember what happened next?

We fell.

But then we pulled ourselves up and we tried again. Maybe putting the other foot in front this time, but either way we kept going and took that next step.

Next up, learning to ride a bike.

We don’t learn to ride a bike first by studying and mastering the art of balance. We learned by getting on the bike and pushing the pedals. We took action.

When I think back to some of my biggest accomplishments, there is one common theme. I did them! I wanted them and I took action.

Take traveling for example. I didn’t learn about the value of travel by reading Lonely Planet. I lived it, experienced it and went through the highs and lows of all it had to offer.

We teach kids that in order to get good at something you need to practice. The same applies to life as a grown up.

Take a look around your life and I’m sure that you can find all sorts of things that you have accomplished too that just required the first step of taking action. Maybe they led to great things, or maybe they didn’t. But I’ll be you learned a lot about yourself in the process. And you grew.

So what is stopping you now from moving forward with that one thing you want next in your life?

It’s action.

If you want to do something, do it. Or at least take that first step to help get you there. All it takes is one small baby step to set the momentum and get you started.

And if you don’t, then maybe you should question your intention and just shelf the idea for a little while until you really do want to do it.

But remember that just talking about it, reading about it and studying it will not give you the same results.

Feeling a little off these days? Try this.

Isn’t it interesting how life creates so many ebbs and flows for us? Just when we think things make sense and everything is under control, boom! We are thrown another curve ball. Nothing is still and everything is moving. It’s a universal law really, and we all know it. Sometimes we just lose sight of it.

 

The past week has been a real opener for me and I’ve been challenged emotionally, physically and spiritually.

 

As a coach, I make it a mission to promote honoring yourself and your feelings, and taking control of your life.

 

My motto is, if you want something, create it. Go after it with all your might. And if you don’t want something, let go of it and move on. I encourage people daily to take control of their life and their actions.

 

Pretty simple really, isn’t it?

 

Sometimes however, life gets real, and it can knock you on your ass. No matter how much you believe in something and know it as truth, you can lose site of it with those rose (or blue, or green) tinted glasses, and everything gets distorted for a little while.

 

Until you find a cloth to clean off those lenses.

 

I’ve been very grateful to have a lot of amazing resources and the open mind to look to around for guidance when I need it to help me clean my own glasses.

 

If you find yourself in the midst an ebb and not sure what to do to bring yourself back into flow, here are some of the most useful insights I have to help guide you along your way;

 

• Let go of the need to control. Control is truly just an illusion anyways; I mean really, who do we think we are assuming that we have control over anything anyways? Let. It. Go.
• The Universe has my back. There are bigger powers at work here, and while it may seem like things aren’t working out, they really are. Maybe not for what I think I want, but they are looking out for what I actually need in the long-term.
• I am stronger than I think I am. There is a voice inside our heads that speaks up that says we can’t do this, we don’t deserve this (or maybe saying we do deserve this) or that we aren’t strong enough. Don’t listen to it. It’s a trap. And it’s lying to you. You are powerful.
• Find a release. It is not always just enough to acknowledge the emotion we are feeling. Emotions are energy and one of the best ways to release energy and allow it to flow again is through movement. Walking, biking, running or even Yoga are all great ways to allow flow and release.
• Let go of the guilt and allow yourself to feel. If you can imagine an onion, there are layers to what we experience and go through in life and sometimes feelings from years ago may show up again in unexpected ways as you peel back. Don’t judge it, just allow it to show up and recognize it. What we cannot feel, we cannot heal.
• Practice self-care and relax. Don’t underestimate the power that you can receive by taking care of yourself and showing yourself a little love and compassion.

We are all human, and no matter what we do to prepare and avoid it, sometimes we will feel sadness, anger, guilt or any other emotion. Life needs duality, and without these, we wouldn’t be able to fully experience and appreciate excitement, happiness and love.

This week I needed to remind myself that it doesn’t make me weak, but it did allow me a great opportunity to move forward even stronger.

Wherever you are in the ebb and flow of emotion, I only hope that you know that like the Universe, I too have your back.

Allow. Release. Let go.

What’s Your Role?

Imagine your life like a story or a movie. There is a plot with a beginning, middle and end and a deep meaning or lesson to be gained from it all. As you move through the story, you get a glimpse into new ideas or past events that contribute to get the main character (you) to where they are now.

When you step back and witness the transition of your life, can you see the role that you are currently playing? Are you the hero, the victim, the antagonist, or are you just there as a witness not playing any major role at all?

The role that you play in your life can of course change depending on where you are at in your relationships, career, etc. which is why it’s so important sometimes to take a step back and play witness to the story.

When you are feeling wrapped up in a situation or lost with where to go next, ask yourself what role you are currently playing and which role you would rather be in and what you need to change in order to get from point a to Point B.

Normally it’s just a matter of changing your perception.

Every once in a while when I feel stuck, I take a step back and sometimes I catch myself playing the role of the victim. When one starts to play the victim, life starts to show you more that you are being victimized.

It’s really easy to have more of the same keep coming to me, because that is all that I’m paying attention to.

When we get caught up in one frame of mind, it’s hard to see past that until we make a conscious effort to change our perception.

As the title of Wayne Dyer’s book, change your thoughts, change your life.

So I ask myself, how can I be the hero in this situation? What can I create out of this situation? What is the lesson that I can learn or how can I move to point B?

Like any feeling we experience, playing a specific role can become a way of life and we can get addicted to it. This comes up in examples such as the mother that is always giving and nurturing others. Or the businessman that always feels he is up against the world, and needs to defend or fight back. It becomes who they think they are at the core, and also what others start to expect of them.

The reality is, we have the power and control to change those thoughts and ideas and play whatever role we want. We are the author, the director and the producer in this play called LIFE.

So consider this, everyday that you wake up is a new Act. Who do you want to play?

I choose the hero.

Moved to Tears – Why a coaching client made me cry

The other day I had a client make me cry. We ended our call, and I just felt so overwhelmed with emotion that I started crying. And no, it’s not because she was horrible and mean. And it’s also not because I felt sad or upset for her. It was because I was so inspired by her. Her story and journey literally moved me to tears.

This client has committed to living her life for her. She made the decisions and is taking action. In my opinion, she was doing all the right things to follow her heart. She decided she didn’t want to wait to live her life any longer and she couldn’t deal with settling. She was making a move, both literally and figuratively. And she was leaving in less than a week.

As women, we are givers and nurture by nature, so to take big action like this and make a bold move to serve ourselves, takes guts. But it can also generate a lot of concern and judgment from those around us. Although their questioning is usually well-intentioned, that is when I feel that we begin to question our motivation and ourselves and the doubt begins to flood in. We wonder if we are really doing the right thing and whether or not we are being selfish. We lose sight of our true feelings.

My yoga mentor always says, “Do what feels good” and I like to follow that mantra. It’s not always about following the rules and conforming to the perfect “posture” or the perfect “life”.

While their concerns may be legitimate, and you may want to take some time to help those around you to understand your choices, just remember that after all, they are your choices.

At the end of our call, my client asked, “how did you get so smart?” and my only response was “Really, you did all the work. You knew all of the answers. You just needed help getting clear with them.”

That’s the whole point, isn’t it? We are all smarter than we give ourselves credit for. We know ourselves better than anyone. We all have the answers and the intuition. Sometimes it just helps to know that there is someone out there that gets it and helps you to turn off the outside noise and racket.
This is why I do what I do. This is my why. I love that I can witness someone realize their truth and help them to see how courageous and strong they really are.

I am so grateful that this work also helps me in looking inward at some of my own truths too.

If you find yourself wondering what your next step it, I suggest you doubt yourself less and trust your inner guidance.

You hold so much wisdom and infinite power. Don’t hold yourself back. Just close your eyes and listen to your own truth.

Do You Know What Lights You Up?

Think about how you talk about what you do for a living. Imagine, you are at a party and someone asks you “So, what do you do?”

Visualize it. What do you say? How do you say it? Do you say it with passion and enthusiasm? Is there one part of what you do that you prefer to discuss over another? Have you ever found yourself “faking it” to make it seem a lot more exciting or glamorous then it really feels? Or are you honest to the fact that it’s a job and not all that exciting?

I have experienced all of the above in conversations with people over the years. And I have news for you. People can sense and feel when you are being anything but authentic. You can’t hide it no matter how hard you try. Not only by your energy, but by the confidence you exude and your body language.

How you talk about what you do speaks volumes about your level of passion for it. If you can’t speak about it with energy and enthusiasm, then what do you think about the choice that you have made in this career? (And yes, it’s a choice.)

Believe it or not, it doesn’t stop there either. I know we all have this illusion of finding an ideal work life balance. The reality it, it’s all related. Every aspect of our life spills into the other and if we find that our energy is being sucked out in one area, it’s certainly affecting you in your home life and your relationships as well.

I definitely experienced it.

Now, consider something that you are really passionate about. It could be cooking, traveling, being a mom, writing, photography, or anything else. Now imagine you are at the same party and someone asks you about that topic. Now, how do you respond? Are you lit up? Is it something that you could talk about for hours and hours and never get bored of?

Don’t you think that your career also deserves that same amount of passion and excitement?

One third of your life will be spent working. Why aren’t you spending that valuable and most effective time of your life doing something that you are super excited about?

Are you ready for a change?

Ask yourself how can you bring more passion and excitement into that time? What is missing for you? Is it freedom? Creativity? Autonomy? Get in touch with your values and write them all out.

If you get stuck, take notice of the days, events or projects that fire you up at work and get excited. And then keep a separate list of the tasks the suck your energy and have you dreading the next day.

If you are contemplating making a change or are feeling stuck at your career, it’s important to get really clear with yourself about what you want and one of the best ways to do that is to keep a running list. This doesn’t only help energetically and to aid in manifestation, but also it will help you keeping it in the forefront of your mind and consciously observing yourself so that you don’t lose track of what you want.

Perhaps it’s not even about leaving your current job, but reigniting that flame inside of you that you once had. Or maybe it’s about taking a leap and moving into a whole new field.

When I was feeling stuck, I got so overwhelmed with the possibilities and options that I kept myself stuck. Each day that passed I felt more and more disconnected from myself and the gap to take a step seemed further and further away.

If any of this is ringing true for you, today just take the first step in identifying, what lights you up.

Choosing Your Own Sentence

Lately I have become a little obsessed with watching Orange is the New Black. I know, I’m a little late to the party. But boy am I glad I came. The character development is fascinating and writing is phenomenal. You really start to build up a rapport with these women as if you know them.

One of the interesting aspects of the show that they reference a lot is that these women in prison are really just like us. And I agree. They are. They are just like you and me. They just made a different choice at some point that led them there. When they turned left, I turned right, and now I sit here sipping my morning coffee and writing a blog while they live out their sentence.

It has really got me thinking about the choices that we have and the impact that it can make on our life.

In recent months I have heard three different women on three different occasions tell me that they were unhappy in their marriage but that they were stuck. That they just simply couldn’t leave for one reason or another, and that they were waiting for their husband to die.

Yes, you read that right. They are waiting out their marriage like a prison sentence because they are choosing not to leave.

If you’re anything like me, you are probably in a state of shock right now reading that. Or perhaps you are nodding your head and thinking that you can relate to what these women are going through.

But I ask you, what kind of life is that?

Usually it’s money that holds them back, but it also sometimes stems around the fear of the unknown and the worry of judgment from friends and family.

Regardless of the reasons, it just makes me so sad that we sentence ourselves to a life of unhappiness because we don’t see the possibility.

Like in the show, these women made some wrong choices that left them in a prison sentence they can’t escape, longing to step outside and breathe freedom again. While on the outside, women are sentencing themselves for life, with no chance of parole. Not until someone dies.

I had to ask them though; “What if it’s you that dies first”?

My point here is that it is all about choices and everyday when you wake up and look in the mirror, recognize that the prison sentence you are living with is not enforced by anyone but you. It’s all a reality that you have chosen to create for yourself.

We are all alike and made up of the same infinite power. The only difference is the choices that we make and how we use that power.

Don’t live out your life in a prison sentence. Whether at work or in your marriage, you have a choice to free yourself from the sentence. Some women don’t. Use your power wisely.

What Does The Word No Mean To You?

Like everyone, I’m not resistant to hearing the word No from time to time, however lately I have been paying more attention to what it means to hear No.

Every time I hear No, it opens me up to what I want and what I don’t want. I look at it as if the universe is saying, “Nope, this ain’t it. You’ll thank me later!”

I haven’t always had that mentality. I used to feel as though a No was a personal attack on me. Like it was some sort of reflection of me not being good enough, or smart enough, or likeable.

It was a form of rejection, and no one likes to be rejected.

Then I got real with myself and realized that it isn’t always about me. Sometimes it’s about them. But it’s also about realizing that the Universe is on my side, and those moments are just helping me stay aligned and in tune with exactly where I should be and who I should be there with.

Recently I wrote a guest blog post called “Why She Left”. I submitted that post to two other sites before Elephant Journal posted it and that post has received more positive feedback than all of my other posts combined. It’s not to say that there isn’t a moment of disappointment to receive the email saying “Thank you for your submission, however we don’t think this is the right fit for our audience.” But after 10 minutes in my self-pity, I tried another site, because I knew in my heart that this was a post that was going to mean something to a lot of women. So I tried again. And I tried again.

I just needed to get in alignment with the perfect audience on the perfect site because I believed in the message I wanted to put out to the world. And that’s exactly what happened.

So let me tell you from experience, that the No’s are there to help keep you in the right direction, not to stop you. If you really believe in something, there is a reason for it, so don’t lose faith because of two simple letters.

Instead, dig in to ask what they are there to show you. Let go of the need to attach personal insult to it, and be thankful for what is becoming more clear and aligned for you instead.

This week, listen for the word No, and pay attention!